On this page I will try to explain myself as I see me, the person I am from the inside. I am not sure that it is even possible for a person to see ourselves as others see us. I have tried that exercise, to stand outside myself, and try to look back at me, and see what others see, I don’t know about you, but I have never been able to do that.
Some examples of how others see me shock me, how on earth is it possible that they came to that conclusion about me, I ask myself. It would be self assuming of me to discount their observations, so retrospective of the observations of others, I sometimes feel the need to give credence to their views of me.
Why should I care about what others think of me ? I never did in the past, I never gave myself a thought, beyond the natural instinct for survival, meaning, I ate when I was hungry, slept when I was sleepy, drank when I was thirsty, tried to stay out of the rain and cold when I could. I never reached out for riches, although I had a respect for jewels, art, gold, shiny new cars, I was never driven to possess them. I have never personally owned a new car. I don’t own one single piece of jewelry, I have never bought myself a ring, the only painting I ever had was painted and given to me by a friend, which ended up being stolen. I have always lived close to the ground.
In my view of me, in my heart, what drives me, what brought me great joy and happiness, was being of service to others, doing good work that you could be proud of, a feeling of accomplishment, and turning the frown of others into smiles.
Most of my work was in the field of Electronics, but along the way I have worked as a Cabinet Maker, an Electrician, a Welder, a Carpenter. All of these trades, are in service to others, doing for others. No longer, but in the past when I was active in those fields a person could look at the physical requirements of those professions and view them as wealth, riches. I had to have the tools of the trade necessary to do the work, and I also had to provide the tools and a place to work for those who worked with me. The guitars that I had, were not for my enjoyment, I almost never got to play them, they were tools for the work that I did, I worked for musicians, and when they needed to test my work, they needed what they were used to playing, each guitar was specific, a Martin, an Ovation Nylon, a Fender Stratocaster, a Les Paul, and a Kramer, guitars that every musician had in their tool box that they were familiar with. The stereo equipment I had as well, were tools for my work, each piece was necessary to fill the link in the reproduction chain and necessary to test another. To do any of the work that I did in my life required tools, test equipment, and systems for storage and retrieval of parts and supplies. Tools and test equipment were necessary for my work, no different than an auto mechanic or a surgeon. during a move, I had my belongings in storage, it was broken into and they took anything of value, all of it, they went through every single box. It takes a real special person to steal the things a man needs to make a living. It took a lifetime of sacrificing to build up what was required to do the work I did, and only moments for someone to take it all away.
There have been people in my life that have called me a narcissist, ” Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.“ Nothing could be further from the truth. Certainly a degree of self sustenance is necessary to sustain ones life, and I am guilty of that, by my entire devotion to life has been in the service to others. Everything I have done in my life has been to improve the lives of others, at great personal sacrifice, and that continues to this very moment. Take for instance my writing of these blogs, it is not to help me necessarily, it’s purpose is to help others when I am gone. It is only when a person has gone that they truly become appreciated, we have all heard the term “starving artist” when he depends on the generosity of strangers to even eat, but when he is dead, his paintings sell for tens of millions of dollars. Michael Jackson has sold more records after he has died that he did when he was alive, and that goes for the Beatles as well. My blog on abolishcurrency.org will not have value until God’s Kingdom is established, it will never be allowed in Satan’s world. But what it can do is prepare people for life in God’s Kingdom, and that is it’s purpose.
A deeper understanding of me personally would be had by grasping this, something I have often said to describe how I feel inside, “As long as there is one person in this world that does not have food to eat, water to drink, and a place to sleep, neither do I really, and I will not rest until they do”.