Found while scrolling – I don’t know the author, it’s a Facebook friend of a Facebook friend
BRILLIANT!!!
“It’s the new normal. Why can’t people just wear a mask and shut up? So much PARANOIA! Like , the masks are evidence of some huge coordinated subversive surveillance campaign that is sweeping the world! Come on, don’t be a Ward (or June) Cleaver. It’s the new fashion statement and—once you accept the responsibility of it—life (in public) becomes so much easier and, really, its a blast. You can stick your tongue out at people and they don’t know it. At the grocer, you can snarf free samples of bulk food items and chew them up inconspicuously. You can make lewd sexual references (with tongue, lips, mouth) without the target of your (unwanted) sexual fantasies ever knowing about it—and they could be standing right in front of you. You can make funny, odd, lewd, or hysterical noises without people being able to figure out who is doing it. It is so much easier to be anonymous, masked, and you don’t have to share feelings or exhibit any emotional relations with people you know and especially not total strangers. Wearing a mask at a protest makes it so much easier for the state to hide its agents amongst the (protesting) population AND it makes everyone out there an automatic member of ANTIFA. Masking makes it easier to hoard things (e.g. toilet paper) without suffering the full brunt of people’s judgement, because you can hide behind your mask if challenged, but who’s going to challenge you? Masks immediately instill a sense of fear in the majority of the population, fear of others—you can’t tell what kind of monster might be hiding behind the mask—and so people who otherwise might have got in my face about something tend to steer completely clear of me. It’s SUCH a relief. You don’t even have to WASH your face when you go out in public anymore. It’s perfect for teenager to hide their acme (making it easier for them to binge feed at McDonalds and support that important mainstay of American culture). Wearing a mask makes you a good person, a civic-minded human being. Not wearing one is really a kind of virtue signaling: I’m sticking my middle finger up at “the Man” by not wearing a mask (even if I might die). It’s a whole new social conditioning experiment, it’s very exciting. We are on the cusp of a revolution, unprecedented social changes, and—personally—I can’t even begin to fathom all the positive benefits that will be reaped once the ‘new normal’ has become fully institutionalized. I mean, really: there are SO MANY positive reinforcements that wearing a mask gives to other good public habits. It’s even a new art form. As a photographer it never occurred to me, for example, to create a “social documentary” project where I photograph people’s masked faces close up. I mean, this is a whole new kind of creative talent, a new genre which has barely been explored. The possibilities are endless: Change the hats. Wear no hats. Change the kind of mask, the shape of the mask, the color of the mask. Photograph people wearing masks with words, masks with vents, masks reminiscent of odd Star Wars creatures. No one yet has come up with the masks that have straws built in (I know, I know, I should rush to patent that one) or masks with automatic tooth-brushers. Really, there is so much creative potential and the best part of it is that it can be completely devoid of any emotional social requirements or simple kindness(es). There must be an infinite number of technological innovations that could be applied to masks, and so much money to be made. Oh fantastic: I just thought of a children’s book about the importance of wearing a mask and all the greater social benefits. Admittedly, it might be rather Seussian. What about masks soaked with perfume? Masks which have some taste , like banana or orange or mango masks. Hmmm. Why am I wasting my time sharing my ideas on Facemask? I mean, Facebook. OMG! Hovermasks—they don’t even need to be tied on. Or velcro masks that velcro to a new kind of Gestapo like high-collar. Just gotta get the matching jackboot accessories. If I were still young I would become a plastic surgeon: no need to worry about the rough cuts of my scalpel if people (clients) can hide behind their social distancing. Where is Michael Jackson when we need him? (All I wanna say is that they don’t really care about us.) And, I’m waiting for a resurgence of the Lone Ranger (and his trusty injun, Tonto): a Marvel comics adventure series to rival Iron Man, Spiderman and Black Panther, except this time the Lone Ranger does NOT wear a mask and everyone else does. Well, see, people? I’ve contacted my senators and congressmen (sic) and we plan to work on a bill requiring people wear specific kinds of masks according to their position in society (class-based masks) and also to wear a certain kind of mask according to their race (this will come as a package with the race-tailored vaccines and microchip implants). No more racial profiling: Police officers will see right away which people they have before them and can make better choices (and not get sucked into a Black Lives Matter scenario). All masks matter! Imagine an mask made of hemp, edible, so that after your public adventures you get home and you can sit down and eat the thing (just like a goat) and put some vinyl Jonathan Edwards on the turntable and put a good buzz on. Or, even better—see how the creative juices are flowing just talking about the possibilities due to masking?—masks that sense the emotions of the wearer and change colors alerting someone they are interacting with—stay safe! at least 6 feet!—of the emotional response of the wearer. Blue = joy. Yellow = compassion. Green = envy. Red = anger. Pink = flaming homosexual. Rainbow = trans. Black = infected. Woah… Imagine the mask that goes black when the person is infected! The mask that comes with an automatic testing sensor that monitors the wearer’s COVID status. Your mask “goes black” and they send in the Care Squad to evacuate and isolate you (and maybe take to a camp where you can get a good “shower”). The mask has so many positive attributes: for one last example, if necessary, and it seems to be increasingly necessary (bathrooms closed in public places), in a “pinch”, you can also wipe your ask with your face mask. No shit. I’m sooo into this new world where bowing is more intimate than hugging. Never liked hugging anyways (people inevitably spit and spill all their germs on you). I’m going to bow out now (before the hysterical attacks start piling up.) ”
Clarence Sisk 